Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
