yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
