SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
