And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
