Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
BRING THE BAGELS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
