My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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