i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
