I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
