Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
