turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
