i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
