I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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