so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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