I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
