So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
