I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
