I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
two words...techno handjob
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
