Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
