Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
