Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
