I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
