it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
