So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
