i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my shit smells like andre
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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