My hand turned me down
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
