This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
