i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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