you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
