mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
