Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
