I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
