I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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