I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
