Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
