We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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