Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
