Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
