I'm going to jail i love you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
