i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
