Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
