I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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