Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We need to get me chipped asap
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
