my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
