just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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