Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
