I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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