I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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