i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I will be naked everywhere
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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