she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
