dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
