I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
