the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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